Windows operating system is just pure out of the box, unintelligent, mind-numbing $h!t.

If you disagree, stop and think for a second so you and I can come to some sort of agreement. I know we will.

Note: This rant builds as it goes on… it’s well worth reading through the initial slow stage…

Here are some problems I experience on a daily basis:

I’m waiting 30 seconds for my computer to “boot”. Having it necessary to “Boot” at all means to me that either 6,000 computer engineers can’t figure out how to make a computer turn on instantly like every other piece of electronics I’ve ever owned. Electronic pulses – electricity – move almost at the speed of light. What the hell is the problem? What is slowing electricity down?

Or “boot” means it isn’t the 6,000 engineers – it’s the 26 jackasses in charge that don’t question it. I wonder how many MS engineers have said in a meeting -

“hey, lets make the OS turn on instantly.”

Probably 3. Nobody asked after the first brave three were shot down like pigeons.

Why is it acceptable to have a delay when turning on a computer? Since I bought my first IBM Thinkpad 25/4 I think it was called, I’ve been waiting 5 minutes to 30 seconds for the dumb things to start.

In my mind it’s unacceptable and a big pain in the ass when I have to turn on the computer and wait 30 seconds before I can do anything but stare at the screen – just to open 1 file like I did yesterday to get one password so I can tap it into my mobile phone to see email there. Oh, my mobile phone runs on Windows OS too – it also takes about 25 seconds to boot. Hence the finger to that Motorola gadget running the MS OS too.

Turning off the computer. I need to close 15 windows, click a Start button, click Turn Off Computer my computer, and then click Turn Off again before I can actually shut down the computer – which takes 20 seconds to shut down after I click the last Turn Off button.

What about 1 click on a button that shuts down all running programs and the computer and saves what I was working on – or not – I choose one time to either save every time or I can choose each time I hit the button?

No autosave. Autosave should work in every application. At the very least there should be a buffer that saves EVERYTHING I type so that if the power clicks off – the app freezes, the computer freezes, the internet connection dies and my stuff gets lost in the cloud – I still HAVE IT.

Why make someone remember to keep hitting Ctrl+a, Ctrl +c to copy everything they’ve written? That’s  F-ing nuts. Computers remember – not people. Didn’t they learn anything about what a computer is good for yet?

Kill everything button. In every single application ever created should be the kill button. It kills every tiny instance of auto-anything. If you’re in Word it kills all auto-formatting like capitalizing first character, spelling, bullets, weird indents, superscribe, etc…  so you don’t F-ing lose it and throw your $2000 computer across the goddamned room. How hard would that be to have 1 F-ing button that says – “Kill Extras”?

Microsoft and so many other application developers have tried for years – and WAY too hard and WAY too unsuccessfully to predict what users want to have done for them in their program and they make them auto-default to that.

I say forget trying to guess what the hell I want – you’ll never succeed. Here, let me tell you and make it really easy for you.

I want NO auto-anygoddamned anything – and I’ll add auto formatting that I want AS I want it. I also want the Kill Extras button.

Google mail, Yahoo mail, Blogger logins – these and 17,000 other internet applications F with me regularly.

If I’m loading the page and the text box pops up I’m going to start typing something of course. That’s F-ing reality. If you developers can’t do something to change this I’m likely to go postal on someone if I ever make it back in the country.

What happens though – is while I’m typing my message all kinds of junk code is still loading up… graphics, javascript, flash shite… I’m typing away  -about a paragraph into it when the screen flickers one last time – and everything on the page has loaded and refreshed or some damn thing – and everything I’ve written is gone.

WTHF?

(H=holy)

Idiots… If a user sees a goddamnd text box – they’re going to start typing. Call us ridiculous… If you DON’T know HOW to fix it so we don’t see a freaking text box before we should start using it – then flash a goddamned message that says -

“DON’T TYPE ANYTHING UNTIL  “Done” APPEARS AT THE BOTTOM LEFT SIDE OF YOUR BROWSER! You’ll lose all your work and write hate posts about us like 7% of blog owners around the world.”

This would let us know that it’s business as usual… wait for the stupid computer until we can do what we want on it and when the spew of ridiculous amounts of code and shenanigans has ended we can start typing without losing it.

Windows Task Manager. This is the utterly useless POS that pops up when you are at your absolute wits F-ing end and you’re trying the last thing you can possibly try – and it’s going to Fuck up on you too just to ensure you have a genuine Microsoft experience.

When you press and hold Ctrl + Alt + Delete in that order you’re supposed to see a savior box. This box is supposed to save your ass and sanity from all that Microsoft and other Development companies have done to you for the last 10 minutes. It is supposed to tell you what is running, and what is sucking all the resources from your computer and you’re supposed to be able to start killing off the offending programs one by one.

What actually happens, I’ve already stated. Your computer is almost entirely locked up and going very slow. You didn’t realize it was going slow until you told it to do 4 other things on top of what it was already doing slow – and so, by not knowing – no message pops up – how the hell would you know?

By not knowing you’ve just compounded the problem by a factor of 11 to the nth and your only 2 resorts are:

1. Ctrl+Alt+Del
2. Hold the power button on your computer down for 8 seconds (HP/Compaq computers) and force it to lose all power and everything you were working on. You might introduce corruption into files this way and you might get blue-screen errors until you pay a computer guy $150 bucks to tell you it’s your system board because he can’t figure out what the hell file went corrupt either.

When you hit Ctrl+Alt+Del one of 3 things happen:

1. Nothing at all. No savior box. Nothing. You can try Ctrl+Alt+Del multiple times – because no error box pops up to tell you you’re digging a 20 foot hole in a foot of dirt. There’s no way out after this point except #2 above.
2. The savior box pops up! You select a program you want to kill, choose “End Process”. You confirm. The confirmation box goes away and you wait. The program is still there in the list of programs running.  You wait another 15 seconds. Nothing. What do you do? No freaking error box popped up so you try it again – compounding the problem and making step 2 above your only option.
3. The savior box opens and you’re actually able to kill programs one by one until one of them locks up, doesn’t die – and you have to resort to #2 in the list above.

Of course the other option that is always on the table – is losing it completely and punching a hole through the soft plastic of your $400 LED flatscreen monitor. So far I’ve kept myself from this option by going into the other room and wailing on a roll up bed with my rattan Kali stick screaming… F’ing idiot A’hole S’stick farking C-words until I hurt my back or pull a muscle in my arm.

Computers are a source of endless frustration for me. As an INTJ type person it bothers me more than other people I think. Not having complete perfection by this point in computer tnempoleved (development backward) is unacceptable. Microsoft and other major internet companies are making billions upon billions of dollars for something that doesn’t work right. It’s so far from right I’d consider it in beta stages, not ready for more upgrades that don’t fix the original issues.

Yes, it’s a rather sick thing that I’ve chosen to use computers for the last 10 years to make a living from. I’ve caused myself uncountable rises in blood pressure and periods of lunacy where I’m threatening the computer with my authentic (I don’t know where it comes from) RedRum voice from The Shining.

I’m considering another career area which will involve the computer about 1/5th as much as I use it now. I’ll be happy to wean myself off the devil’s tit and eventually spit the sour filth out of my mouth entirely at some point.

Won’t be this year, but maybe next?

Anybody with me?